hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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