Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
