trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
