Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
then he tried to convert me to islam
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
