Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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