No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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