just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
