i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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