I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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