i was born a porn star she said
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
