mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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