how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
