Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
