Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
