I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
