So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im holly from the hills drunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
