i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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