Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
