I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
