Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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