the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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