He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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