there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
