May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
