Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
