i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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