I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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