i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
