Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
