Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
