cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Buhtt sex?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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