i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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