Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
