Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
