the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
