Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
