I wish my penis had an off switch
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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