My nipple is on Facebook.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
