how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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