first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
