sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
