why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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