Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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