Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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