So drunk its hurt
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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