I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
