he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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