I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
