my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
