Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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