fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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