Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
