and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
