You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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