please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
